WRITER, MODEL, BLOGGER MOLLY HIGGINS WAS TIRED OF NOT SEEING ANYONE LIKE HER REPRESENTED IN THE MEDIA
My name is Molly and you can find me on Instagram @mollyahiggins. I run a body positivity Instagram account, I’m a student, writer/blogger, alternative model, activist, artist, lover of coffee and beer, and advocate for the revolutionary act of self-love.
Making the most out of my life with self love
Due to complications in the womb, I had to have my right hand amputated after birth which also caused severe damage to my left hand, so I haven’t known life any other way. From the beginning I had to learn how to do everything differently--there was no one else to look to for guidance, or to teach me, which made me fiercely independent and headstrong. Each new experience was uncharted, uncertain waters which I had to traverse on my own. I also learned how to put up boundaries, walls, and shields to protect myself. Don’t look vulnerable. Don’t look like you’re struggling. Don’t let them know you’re hurting. Keep your guard up and make sure everyone thinks that you are fine, because you need to prove yourself, your strength, and your worth.
And that’s the way I’ve lived for most of my life. I’ve always felt the need to go above and beyond to prove to others that I am “just like everyone else”. And something I still struggle with daily is feeling like my insides don’t match my outsides. I don’t feel like “that girl with one hand”, but yet that’s how I am perceived to many. I often wonder how much of my personality has come about because of my struggles and need to prove my identity as something other than “different” or “disabled”. I am extremely outgoing and can be pretty ridiculous and unashamed for a laugh. I am always the girl that’s down for anything and up for a wild party. I think for all of us a lot more of who we are and our personalities come from our experiences and trauma. I was given a world that saw me--a disabled, visually different girl--and said a firm NO, we can’t find a spot for you here. So I became a loud, resounding YES.
But I just got to the point where I was tired of hating myself. It’s exhausting. I resolved that it was my life and I only have one, so why didn’t I let go and ease up on myself a bit. That’s what motivated me to start being more open about my own struggles and journey because I felt so alone for so long and didn’t want others to feel the hopelessness and isolation I felt. There are still days my depression is so bad that I can’t get out of bed. There are still days that I feel absolutely disgusted at what I see in the mirror. There are days that being stuck in this body seems like too much for me to bear. Which is why I want to fight back against those toxic thoughts and behaviors that tell me that I’m not good enough, not worthy enough, or that someone like me shouldn’t do what I want to do. But I continue to fight on, if not for me, then for the other girls (and boys) who like me, feel alone, isolated, ugly, misunderstood, and hopeless. I want to better myself and hopefully others in the process.
For maybe the first time in my life, I’m starting to think that I deserve happiness and fulfillment too--even if the way I can work towards it looks a bit different. Life is short, and I want to make the most of this strange body and this tiny blimp of time that I’ve been given.