On 4 December 2007 I was rushed into hospital with meningitis. Complete organ failure, life support and deadened legs followed, plus 4 months in hospital wards. When I first had my legs amputated, the nurse pulled back the sheet and revealed the space where my legs once were. I didn't recognise my body anymore. I was 18, and a dancer. Confidence was a certain kind of femininity, a certain kind of sexiness...a high heels, short shorts kind of confidence. A constantly in pointe shoes in the dance studio confidence.
My mum said to me 'you can dance again' but I pushed it away, thinking I'd never feel that freedom again. Two years ago I started to dance again, and do yoga. I could feel my body stretch and move as it always had, could feel my strength return. It's hard, and there are days where I will be p*ssed off that I can't jump and leap, be jealous of the people that can, but that's ok and I'm honest about it. I'm still growing, and I'm just so happy that I decided to do it with dance. The gap on the bed is just part of my changing body, in a whole world of changing bodies.