2e: Twice Exceptional
I am half Polish, and I am a 4th generation immigrant (Why am I saying that, right??) Basically, my family is from the polish part in chicago, and my great grandparents were immigrants from Poland.) I'm also learning Polish too, but I'm only a beginner. ,':^)
I was born on February 3, 2003 in Iowa City, IA. I was born 2e (twice exceptional, otherwise known as gifted). I learned to read at the age of 2, and could read books upside-down at the age of 4. I started school 2 years early, but I had to repeat the third grade, so now I'm only a year ahead. I have always had a gift with spelling. in 1st grade, I would always take my little spelling folder, and trot my little butt up to the 8th grade room and do spelling with the 8th graders. I had to have a special tall stool so I could see. When i was 7, I had an obsession with paleontology. I would be absolutely fascinated when learning about the tar pits from the ice age, or learning about different extinct animals. I would always talk about the dunkleosteus from the Devonian Period, and I would always make sure to spell out the word for people. I would also get very mad when people said the words "saber tooth tiger" because the proper name is "saber toothed cat". I was quite a weird child.
I like to think I've been artistically talented, too. I have been doing drawings my whole life, and when I was 7 I made my first stop-motion animation video. I have done only around 3 more of them, though. I have always liked to edit videos. It's not a serious thing though, just a hobby. I'm not the best at it.
When I was 2, I somehow made the decision to stop eating meats and vegetables. I went through so many years of my life just filling my body with carbohydrates and sugar, and not knowing what was coming for me. Soon enough, I became so alienated from vegetables, that I couldn't even be around them without it triggering my sensory integration issues. Now, I have caused myself to be repulsed by certain foods, and now I cannot eat them at all. I have tried my hardest to, and I just can't. When I was 9, I started gaining weight. I was probably the chubbiest kid in my class. My self-confidence dropped, and I felt like trash. As I grew, my body stretched out a bit, and I lost some weight, but my "puberty-dazzled" body could not keep up with my terrible eating habits. When I was 12, I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes. My weight kept going up, and now I am 5'3" and weigh 160 pounds.
I have never had much luck with boys. I have been having crushes on people for years and years, and every time I tell them how I feel, I always get rejected. I recently just went through a hard breakup with the only boyfriend I've ever had, but that's not the point . :^)
When I was 11, my self- confidence was not very good at all. I decided it was time for me to fix it, starting with my face. Every day, I would look in the mirror and find something different about my face that I thought was beautiful. Every day, it had to be different. Some days, I would lie to myself and choose something that I didn't think was beautiful. But, I kept lying to myself, and somehow it worked. Fake it till you make it!
My weight has been a problem for me for a long time. For years and years i have hated my body, but recently I have discovered my own confidence.
I look at myself in the mirror now, and I see a beautiful fairy. I see a goddess. I love my stretch marks. I love my tummy. I love my thighs. I love the little roll my back makes when I twist my torso. I see everything around me light up. I look at myself in the mirror and reach up to the ceiling and see the way my body moves with the atmosphere around it. I see the way my chest rises and falls with a constant rhythm. I see the sunlight fall on my skin and i see myself glow. I love myself.
I have struggled with suicide, anxiety, and depression for a long time. I get minor panic attacks pretty regularly, especially since the breakup. I have been very emotionally unstable. In the past month, I have tried to suffocate myself with a plastic bag, overdose on ibuprofen, and drown myself. Around a month ago I was hospitalized for a while because of a suicide attempt. All of my confidence has waxed and waned a lot. It's like a rollercoaster. I am typing this from a very happy place right now, though. I am glad to have my friends and everyone else in my life to support me. I love them. So many people care about me, and I care about them.
My tics used to be bad. When I was little, my tics used to be:
hopping around in circles
touching bottom eyelid
and many more.
My current tics aren't very severe:
-Puppy yip or small moan (rare)
-Moving eyebrows around/rolling eyes
-Rubbing fingers together
My tics don't show up very often. Only sometimes during class or when I am under stress. However, my tics are pretty unpredictable. Luckily, it's mainly just when I'm alone.
Tourette syndrome is kind of like Autism. I am a bit slow, and I often have a hard time with social queues. Since it is often hard for me to understand context and what people are saying, I heavily rely on tone of voice when I am comminucating, whether that is in text, or when talking to someone. I am very, very sensitive to how people talk towards me. If I sense even the slightest change in someone's tone of voice, I will get anxious and I might ask if they are mad at me, or if they are sad. If I ask you this, don't get mad at me please. This is just how I express empathy, and it's also just me being sensitive towards that kind of thing.
I am a very slow worker. I have a hard time focusing and achieving the "task at hand". I often have such a hard time working that my brain will literally do anything BUT what it needs to do. Whoops! It seems like I am lazy and I don't try my hardest, but in reality, I am trying more than ever just to focus on what I need to do. Often I'm so busy trying to get myself to focus, that I'll strain myself too much and just be exhausted from trying to try!
I am very lucky to have people in my life to love and support me. My friends care for me, and love me, and bring me up when I'm not feeling well. I love my pals. I love everyone.
My rules for life are:
Spread positivity. Love yourself. Eat junk food when you want. Open your windows and feel the sunlight on your face. Listen to music. Give people second chances. Pet animals. Make a skincare routine. Twirl around like a ballerina while spraying febreze in your room. Sing. Dance. Do what makes you happy!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story! Remember to love yourself and keep yourself alive, and if you ever need to talk to me, I will be here for you. I love y'all! :^)