I Thought Pain was Normal
I have always led an active lifestyle, running, hiking, and playing tennis, and soccer since childhood. Despite staying active, I often experienced pain in my legs and thought it was just a normal part of being active. It wasn’t until college that the pain became severe enough to make me question whether it needed medical attention.
Pain and its Effect on Daily Activities
The pain eventually began interfering with even the simplest daily activities—like putting on pants or stepping in and out of the shower. Fatefully, I was studying to become an occupational therapist, a profession dedicated to helping people engage in meaningful activities of daily life. Yet here I was, struggling to engage in my own favorite activities and facing difficulty with basic tasks because of the pain.
My First Diagnosis
Right after college, the pain in my hips became unbearable. After consulting with an orthopedic surgeon, I was diagnosed with femoroacetabular impingement (FAI)and a labral tear in both hips. Essentially, the head of my femur wasn’t sitting properly in my hip socket, which caused a tear in the cartilage around the joint. I underwent three arthroscopic surgeries—two on my right hip and one on my left. Though the surgeries provided some initial relief, the pain never fully went away.
The Answer to My Pain: Miserable Malalignment Syndrome
Three years later, I could barely walk because of the pain. My legs looked and felt crooked, and my knees knocked together. I consulted several doctors before finding one who diagnosed me with a condition called “miserable malalignment syndrome.” Despite its unfortunate—and accurate—name, I was relieved to have a diagnosis after years of struggling with chronic pain.
What is Miserable Malalignment Syndrome?
Miserable malalignment syndrome (MMS) is a condition in which the bones in the legs are abnormally rotated. In my case, my femurs (thigh bones) pointed inward, while my tibias (lower leg bones) pointed outward, causing significant pain in the hips, knees, and ankles.
My Surgical Journey
Since the start of my journey, I have undergone nine surgeries, with four more to go. Four of these procedures are "osteotomies," in which my femurs and tibias are surgically broken and realigned, then stabilized with plates and screws. In addition, I will need hardware removal surgeries and labral reconstructions—a procedure where the torn cartilage in my hip joint will be removed and replaced with a cadaver labrum.
Finding Purpose Through the Pain
As I approach my tenth leg surgery and reflect on my journey so far, I have come to realize how much I have learned along the way. There were many times when I felt like giving up—both on life and on my recovery—because I couldn’t engage in those things I loved the most. My path out of despair was finding purposeful and meaningful activities in my daily life, including beginning a book about my MMS journey, writing poetry, learning a new language, and educating others about this condition on my Instagram account and through podcasts. This emphasis on finding purpose is also a core principle of occupational therapy.
Healing Through the Break
Sometimes, we need to be broken in order to heal. My legs were surgically broken so they could be put back together. Like a bone mending after breaking, I am growing stronger with each day of recovery. Although I have felt both physically and emotionally broken at times, I know that staying engaged in meaningful activities will help my healing process.
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